God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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