Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i drank out of a bidet.
Green mimosas i think yes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
