I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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