Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
