and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
