i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
