Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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