Only a mothe r could love this liver
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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