No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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