so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
