if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
