I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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