And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
