just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
