i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
