I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
