It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
