Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
high people should be assigned attendants
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
