I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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