I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
