It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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