He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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