Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
