yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
