There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
