My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
