He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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