Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
