so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
