Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
