We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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