There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
