I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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