worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
