the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
