We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
