the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
