You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
