Apparently you make a good broom.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
