Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
