NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
