I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
