i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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