Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
