I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
