Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
