I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We have started to decorate penises.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
