dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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