Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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