the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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